The Dog Ate My Homework

The Financial Times isn't exactly known as a quality source of humour. They don't even have a featured "fluff" article such as that which graces the front of the WSJ on a daily basis. So it was with surprise that Macro Man read a little blurb in today's FT that had him guffawing out loud: evidently, the reason that Moody's mistook CPDO turds for filet mignon was because of a "computer glitch."

As "dog ate my homework" excuses go, that one's pretty rich, and will no doubt be fertile hunting ground for lawyers in the coming years. Moreover, it begs the question of how and why the other ratings agencies managed to designate this crap AAA as well; did the same ghost enter their machines?

Regardless, the avoidance of personal responsibility for one's actions is regrettably pervasive in modern society, and is certainly endemic in the financial sector. Let's peruse some of the other excuses proffered for financial mishaps over the past decade or so:


LTCM blows up: The fund's losses were caused by a correlation breakdown so extreme that according to the fund's Nobel Laureates, it should not have occurred since the Big Bang.

JWM (run by John Merriwether, latterly of LTCM) suffers large losses: Fool you once, shame on me; fool you twice, shame on you!






The Fed slashes interest rates at the slightest hint of financial distress, thereby inflating a series of bubbles: It's a little known fact, but both Alan Greenspan and Ben Bernanke are huge fans of English premiership club West Ham United. When Macro Man used to frequent the Upper East Stand at Upton Park in the late 90's, he was often bemused at the sight of his elderly compatriots singing the West Ham fans' signature song with gusto. For those unfamiliar with the club and its traditions, the song goes like this:



I'm forever blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air
They fly so high
Nearly reach the sky
Then like my dreams, they fade and die
Fortune's always hiding
I've looked everywhere
I'm forever blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air!

Clearly, the Fed chiefs take their passion for West Ham to work with them.


The Central Bank of Russia screws currency speculators, just because they can: You might be able to take Communism out of Russia, but can you take Russia out of Communism? The CBR seems to be taking a page out of the book of a certain V.I. Lenin.

Among the quotes attributed to Lenin include the following:

"Until we apply terror to speculators - shooting on the spot - we won’t get anywhere."

".. catch and shoot the...speculators and bribe-takers. These swine have to be dealt [with] so that everyone will remember it for years."

"The best way to destroy the capitalist system is to debauch the currency". In what can only be a coincidence, Russia and China have re-emerged as prolific dollar sellers in the open market over the last couple of weeks.

The Asian financial crisis of 1997-98: This was caused by a mysterious cabal of the Rosicrucians, Pentavirate, and Illuminati- just ask Dr. Mahathir Mohamed. Of course, now the shoe's on the other foot, and Asian central banks are among the prime movers of this illustrious order.

Bear Stearns blows up: This one's easy. As market volatility escalated, Jimmy Cayne took his firmwide risk runs with him to a bridge tournament. Unfortunately, one of the other players (pictured, left) ate the runs, so poor Jimmy couldn't possibly have known the true state of Bear's finances. Woof woof.