Annie get your fine

In the wake of the DOJ's $14 billion fine on Deutsche Bank- coincidentally, almost exactly the same as the belated tax bill that European authorities have laid at Apple's door, there have understandably been some back-channel communications between the legal, competition, and tax authorities in the US and European Union.  Thanks to a well-placed mole close to discussions, Macro Man is pleased to provide readers with a lightly-edited excerpt of recent discussions between Annie Anker of the DOJ and Frank den Tosch of the European Competition Authority:



Annie:  Any fine you can give, I can give bigger.  I can fine anyone much more than you.

Frank: No, you can't.

Annie: Yes, I can.

Frank: No, you can't.

Annie: Yes, I can.

Frank: No, you can't.

Annie: Yes, I can! Yes, I can!

Frank: Any pain you can be, I can be greater.   Sooner or later I'm greater than you.

Annie:  No, you're not.

Frank:  Yes, I am.

Annie:  No, you're not.

Frank:  Yes, I am.

Annie:  No, you're not.

Frank:  Yes, I am, yes I am.

Frank:  I'll find unpaid tax while I relax.

Annie: I'll fine FX scandals when I'm in my sandals.

Frank:  I can delve in dark corners.

Annie:  Just like that?

Frank:  Yes.

Annie:  So can a rat.

Frank:  Any fine you can reach I can go higher.

Annie: We can fine anyone higher than you.

Frank: No, you can't.

Annie: Yes, I can.

Frank: No, you can't.

Annie: Yes, I can.

Frank: No, you can't.

Annie: Yes, I can.
 
Frank: No, you can't.

Annie: Yes, I can.

Annie:  Show me a bank stock and I'll make it cheaper.  I can make any bank cheaper than you.



Annie:  Fifty cents.

Frank:  Forty cents.

Annie:  Thirty cents.

Frank:  Twenty cents.

Annie:  No you can't.

Frank:  Yes I can,  yes I can.

Frank:  I can regulate anyone out of existence.

Annie: I'll make 'em disappear faster than you.

Frank:  No you can't.

Annie:  Yes I can.

Frank: No, you can't.

Annie: Yes, I can! Yes, I can!

Frank:  I can sue anyone fast as a flicker.

Annie:  Ask VW, they'll tell you I'm quicker.

Frank:  I'll make them store cash in a safe.

Annie:  Is that what you've wrought?

Frank:  Sure.

Annie:  That's what I thought, you crook.

Frank:  Scandals that you can find I can make longer.

Annie: I can drag stuff out much longer than you.

Frank: No, you can't.

Annie: Yes, I can.

Frank: No, you can't.

Annie: Yes, I can.

Frank: No, you can't.

Annie: Yes, I can! Yes, I can!

Frank: No, you can't, yes you can!

Annie: Anywhere you can look, I can look further.   I can fine many more markets than you.

Frank:  In LIBOR?

Annie:  In FX.

Frank:  In futures?

Annie:  Equities.

Frank:  No, you can't.

Annie:  Yes I can, yes I can!

Frank:  Any fine you can give, I can give faster.

Annie:  I can fine anyone faster than you.

Frank:  Noyoucan't.

Annie:  YesIcan.

Frank:  Noyoucan't.

Annie:  YesIcan.

Frank:  Noyoucan't.

Annie:  YesIcanyesIcan!

Frank:  I'll make them jump a hurdle.

Annie:  I'll bind them with a girdle!

Frank:  I'll ban some FX monkeys.

Annie:  I'll fine their banks real chunky!

Frank:  I can fine most anything.

Annie:  Can you fine HFT?

Frank:  No.

Annie:  Hmmm...nor me.

Frank:  I can ban some random finance tweeter.

Annie:  I'll arrest tweeters much quicker than you.

Frank: No, you can't.

Annie: Yes, I can.

Frank: No, you can't.

Annie: Yes, I can.

Frank:  No you can't can't can't.

Annie:  Yes I can can can!

Frank:  No you can't!

Annie:  Yes I can!!!!!














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24 comments

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washedup
admin
September 16, 2016 at 2:29 PM ×

That is priceless! MM hall of famer.

Should we short AMZN? Thats who Frank den tosch may come for next. Unless of course they just revoke visa free travel for americans instead.

Trade wars open up the new front in the ongoing currency wars - bring it on baby.

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CV
admin
September 16, 2016 at 2:47 PM ×

Applause!! Beautiful. Dare I say, on the top-10 list, and that is some list.

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Anonymous
admin
September 16, 2016 at 3:07 PM ×

Take your rules and shove it

Basel Committee getting trashed. No more rules!

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2016-09-15/europe-said-to-threaten-revolt-over-bank-capital-rule-overhaul

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Anonymous
admin
September 16, 2016 at 3:14 PM ×

These are the times I live for...CDS is through the roof... ~420.... Minsky moment coming!

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Anonymous
admin
September 16, 2016 at 5:21 PM ×

"After climbing up from September 2014’s current cycle low of 1.6% to August 2016’s 5.7%, Moody’s credit policy group predicts that the US high-yield default rate will peak at 6.35% in January 2017 and then drop to 4.5% by August 2017."

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Whammer
admin
September 16, 2016 at 7:36 PM ×

Oh my goodness, this is hilarious. My spirits are so lifted that maybe I'll load up on that 3X biotech fund that 12yo HFM has been touting!

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Anonymous
admin
September 17, 2016 at 6:50 AM ×

I'm with washedup. Hof for sure.

I wonder when the bickering partners realize they're stuck with the mutual obligations, past mistakes, and know eachother's dirty secrets too well to stick to their mutual threats of huffy court proceedings, and instead look for the cheaper option of fading & reconciliation. Put some plaster on those cracks, it'll hold this time I'm sure.

But enough about my marriage...

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Anonymous
admin
September 17, 2016 at 10:22 AM ×

Straight to the pool room with this one.

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Anonymous
admin
September 17, 2016 at 11:18 AM ×

A ripple of applause fills the auditorium.
As fines crush the tax receipts of the once golden egg laying goose that was banking, have we hit the nadir, or will (Do) Justice only be seen to be done when the arteries of finance are truly blocked.

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EndGame
admin
September 17, 2016 at 2:00 PM ×

The SINGLE most important issue in finance is this single word: DEBT

This is the 'elephant in the room' that no-one will properly debate, foe the same reason no one discusses death in polite society - it is too real and too worrying to even contemplate. And yet it is also too certain.

Developed countries are ALL mired in debt. They WILL default, just as we will all die. The ONLY question is when.

Talk of NIRP, helicopter money, the endless off-balance-sheet expenses that govts accrue all lead to one path: DEBT DEFAULT

The path will be gradual, and then sudden. By this I mean expect more financial repression, QE, NIRP, then helicopter money, then banning of cash, then monetization of debt, then heavy inflation... a "soft default" to be sure, but a default nevertheless.

Plan accordingly.

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Anonymous
admin
September 17, 2016 at 2:57 PM ×

DB's global derivatives risk is in the range of $75 Trillion, 20 times greater than German GDP

God, when this thing blows up...Oh MY


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Anonymous
admin
September 17, 2016 at 3:10 PM ×

Real world unwind of a modest size derivative position

“I regard very large derivative positions as dangerous. We inherited a modest sized position at [Berkshire’s reinsurance vehicle] Gen Re in a benign market and we lost about $400m just trying to unwind it with no pressure on us whatsoever.”

“By the way, the accountants blessed that big derivative position as being worth a lot of money. They were only off by, what, a few hundreds of millions,” added Charlie Munger, the vice-chairman of Berkshire."

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Anonymous
admin
September 17, 2016 at 10:42 PM ×

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/business/2016/05/01/warren-buffett-issues-a-fresh-warning-about-derivatives-timebomb/

The Sage of Omaha told the annual meeting of his company Berkshire Hathaway that while he still believes in holding shares in financial firms such as Bank of America, the sector continues to build derivatives that could create “dangerous” jolts in value that would exacerbate a major shock.

“Some of these things get so complicated they’re very hard to evaluate... I know one that’s so mismarked it would blow your mind, and the auditors I don’t think are necessarily capable of holding that behaviour in check,” he said.

Emphasising a warning he gave last summer, when he described derivatives as “weapons of mass destruction,” Mr Buffett said a major event such as a cyber attack that shut down the financial markets would trigger “enormous gaps in things you thought might be protected by collateral”.

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Leftback
admin
September 18, 2016 at 3:26 AM ×

Bomb exploded in a dumpster on 23rd Street in Manhattan. Dozens injured, no reported fatalities. Hope this isn't the start of a prolonged campaign like London in the 1980s….

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Anonymous
admin
September 18, 2016 at 7:30 AM ×

LB, am glad you are OK.

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Anonymous
admin
September 18, 2016 at 8:13 AM ×

second one found blocks away...

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CV
admin
September 18, 2016 at 11:46 AM ×

+1 Stay safe LB. I am sure things will calm down.

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Anonymous
admin
September 18, 2016 at 2:47 PM ×

Don;t call the terrorist attacks in NY, "terrorist attacks". Clinton's supporters will be annoyed... intentional bombing of civilians is fine with them though.

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Anonymous
admin
September 18, 2016 at 2:59 PM ×

http://www.businessinsider.com/italy-bank-crisis-systemic-threat-2016-9

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Anonymous
admin
September 18, 2016 at 4:08 PM ×

Gee, just go away...

Recent Greenspan newspeak “We have a pending bond market bubble”.

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Mr. T
admin
September 19, 2016 at 4:20 AM ×

The stuff I've read over the weekend about the BOJ meetings are crazy. Probably the most aggressive, most willing to defy convention organization is supposed to come to the conclusion this week that their policies have "reached their limits"? Gimme a break. The whole thing - the well placed editorials, the offhand quotes - it all reeks to me of shallow expectation management - the groundwork for the next "shock and awe" so to speak. And the fact that this is a 1-2 punch after the fed - which no shocker is likely to "wait and fellate" once again - only strengthens my conviction that this is going to be a barn burner week. In my humble opinion, when this whole game turns its not going to be from the guys pushing the buttons - it'll be the oldschool way with the market leading and the banks following - ie there is really nothing to fear from the announcements themselves.

It might be playing with fire to get directly involved with the meetings, its definitely not my bread & butter, but getting long(er) into the meetings seems like the ultimate layup.

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