ECB - But it cannot be a bomb! Our analysts tell us that it cannot be! The data does not support it! It is clearly a figment of all of our collective imaginations or more likely a bowl of roses.
Markets - [in diminishing voices as they leave the scene] "RUUUuunn...".
France - OK, well say it IS a bomb then what do we do? Is there a protocol for this?
All - [Reading from the Holy Book of EU policy] We tell the world it is not a bomb and then it will not be a bomb!!!
France - It's still ticking! And the numbers are getting smaller on the display.
Italy - (faints).
EC - Well stop the display!!!
[EU bans short selling and covers the display with a towel]
EC - Do you think the bomb knows that it has to stop its countdown now that the display is invisible?
France - I'll have a peek... Oh Zut! The numbers! They are getting smaller they are at 00.01.10 now!
ECB - Well, if, and only if it is a bomb and if and only if we had to stop it. how would we do it?
EC - Well, we should have a meeting to discuss the options. Can I suggest we hold one in, say, one minute's time?
All - Good idea!
[1 minute and 1 second later.]
EC - So that is agreed then. We will all work together showing commitment and a single-minded determination to defuse this bomb that we now agree may indeed exist.
EC - As we have told the bomb that we are going to defuse it, it should therefore have realised that its purpose no longer exists and defused itself. But just check...
ECB - WHAT?!?! It is still counting down! And it is now at 00.00.01!!!
EC- Argghh... Quick! Do something! And probably best for transparency, broadcast our thoughts and suggestions live to the world so they can witness our resolute decisive oneness and be in awe of the way we deftly solve this problem.
[Global media linked up live to proceedings]
France - OK, stand back, I am going to cut the red wire, pass me the wire cutters.
ECB - I'm not allowed to.
France - Come on!
ECB - Yes, it clearly says in my mandate that I cannot pass you the wire cutters as wire-cutters will never be needed.
Germany -Yes, he is right, he cannot pass you the wire-cutters. We specifically made sure that he never could.
France - Oh, Sacre Bleu...! Come onnn! I'll do it myself then.
Germany - I'm sorry we cannot allow you to do that , it is against our principles. But we could talk about alternatives - Like the blue wire.
France - If I let you cut the blue wire will you let me cut the red wire at the same time?
Germany - No, the red wire is non-negotiable.
EC - What about that wire down at the bottom? The yellow wire?
ECB - There may be a way I could do it using the green wire as long as no-one sees that I am involved.
IMF - Don't look at me!
Germany - You can forget the green wire too. I can see what you are trying to do behind my back! Enough! I don't care what you all want, I am going to cut the Blue wire and if any of you try to stop me I will cut ALL the wires.
EC - I can see we have made some real progress here, folks, but perhaps we should see if we can reclassify the bomb under a new agreement? Maybe as an Apple? Perhaps we could have a meeting to decide....
If this post helped you, please help them. TMM's Xmas Charity Appeal: