Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Adventures of Baron Von Trichet

As you have probably gathered, Team Macro Man have been somewhat bemused for a while at the extraordinary tall tales coming out of Europe associated with the past and ongoing processes employed to wallpaper over the cracks in the fabric of the Eurobuilding. This telling of unbelievable stories reminds us of the marvelous books we read as children of the Baron Munchausen and his extraordinary adventures. Indeed, Munchausen Syndrome is a medical term for an extreme form hypochondria where the patient makes up all sorts of symptoms when none exist. However, we are convinced that the form of Munchausans that Europe displays are reversed where the tall tales are used to belie the dreadfulness of the underlying disease.

During our research on the subject we found some extraordinary similarities with the dear Baron's life, as depicted in the 1988 film The adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988), and some of the current main European protagonists. We took reference from the Synopsis of the film found here . We recommend you having a quick look at the original synopsis as then you will appreciate how with a few substitutions we easily ended up with our own film plan:

The Adventures of Baron Von Trichet

The film begins in an unnamed and war-torn European city in the early 21st century (dubbed "The Age of Reason" in an opening caption), where, amidst explosions and gunfire from a large Investor army outside the city gates, a fanciful touring stage production of Baron von Trichet's life and adventures is taking place. Backstage, city official "The Right Ordinary Weber" reinforces the city's commitment to reason (here meaning uniformity and unexceptionably) by ordering the execution of a bank who had just accomplished a near-superhuman feat of bravery (Anglo Irish, in a cameo), claiming that Ireland's bravery was demoralizing to others. Not far into the play, an elderly man claiming to be the real governor of the ECB interrupts the show, protesting its many inaccuracies. Over the complaints of the audience, the theater company and Trichet , the "real" Trichet gains the house's attention and narrates through flashback an account of one of his adventures, of a life-or-death wager with the Great Investor, where the younger Trichet's life is saved only by his amazing luck plus the assistance of his remarkable associates: Sarko, the world's fastest talker; Papapapa, a man with remarkable talent for making up numbers; Mangler, who possesses extraordinary wealth, and sufficient lung power to knock down an army by exhaling; and Zap a fantastically deluded man.

When gunfire from the investors disrupts the elderly Trichet's story, the importance of saving the city eclipses the show. Trichet wanders backstage intending to die, until the exuberantly enthusiastic questioning of Sally Salt, the young lady who always asks question at ECB conferences, persuades him to remain living.

Insisting that he alone can save the city, Trichet escapes the city's walls in a hot air balloon constructed of women's underwear, accompanied by Sally as a stowaway. The balloon expedition proceeds to the Moon, where Trichet , rejuvenated by the escape, finds his old associate Sarko. but angers the Mervyn King of the Moon, who resents the Baron for his romantic past with the Queen of the Moon (Gordon Brown) . A bungled escape from the Moon brings the trio back to (and beneath) the Earth, where the God Voldemort hosts his guests with courtesy and Papapapa is found. Trichet and Voldemort's wife, Australia, attempt a romantic interlude by waltzing in air, but this cuts short the hospitality and Voldemort expels the now-foursome from his kingdom into the South China Seas.

Swallowed by an enormous sea creature called Deflation, the travelers locate Mangler and Zap, and the Baron's trusty horse ECBucephelius. The Baron Von Trichet (who again appears elderly after being "expelled from a state of bliss", in his words) struggles with the conflicting goals of heroism and a peaceful death, before deciding to escape by blowing "a modicum of QE snuff" out into the sea creature's cavernous interior, which causes the sea creature to "sneeze" the heroes out through its whale-like blowhole.

Back ashore, the Investor Army is located but the Baron Von Trichet's associates are now too elderly and tired to fight the Investor as in the old days. The Baron Von Trichet lectures them firmly but to no avail, and he storms off intending to surrender to the Investor and to Weber; his cohorts rally to save both the Baron and the city.

During the city's celebratory parade, Trichet is shot dead by Weber. An emotional public funeral takes place, but the denouement reveals that this is merely the final scene of yet another story the Baron Von Trichet is telling to the same theater-goers who were attending the theater in the beginning of the film. The Baron Von Trichet calls the foregoing "only one of the many occasions on which I met my death" and closes his tale by saying "everyone who had a talent for it lived happily ever after."

An ambiguous finale reveals that the city has indeed been saved, even though the events of the battle apparently occurred in a story rather than the film's reality. Trichet rides off on ECBucephalus. As Trichet and ECBucephalus are bathed in the light of the sun parting through the clouds, they apparently disappear, and the credits roll over a triumphant blast of music.


Marshall said...

Methinks TMM has a bit too much time on their hands!

(j/k! - Good Show!)

Anonymous said...

for the "UK has high inflation" crew (off topic today, I know)

Kaius said...

good one, thanks :)

Charles Butler said...

Even particle board castles built on sand outlast their utility. Walking along Monsul Beach in Almeria, one can still find bits and pieces of Munchausen's castle.

FX said...

TMM, you must've top tick it! that post oozes of "irrational" passion.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps you may want to consider the wizard of OZ for a next column... where the battle between gold and silver standard is the battle between china and us?