Thursday, October 21, 2010

Twenty IFs

It's one of those days today when its hard to get ones thoughts straight and TMM wondered whether a different version of 20 Questions would be in order to lighten our mood so they would like to ask their readers 20 "Ifs"

  1. If you had a thousand ounces of gold in coin in your sock drawer would you:(a) gloat, (b) sell it, or (c) debate the size and strength of the sock drawer.
  2. If you had to chose the most apt word or phrase from the list below for current markets which would it be: destroy, deal or unleash destruction, unleash the hurricane, nuke ruin, ruinate, bring to ruin, lay in ruins, play or raise hob with; throw into disorder, upheave; wreck, wrack, shipwreck; damn, seal the doom of, condemn, confound; devastate, desolate, waste, lay waste, ravage, havoc, wreak havoc, despoil, depredate; vandalize; decimate; devour, consume, engorge, gobble, gobble up, swallow up; gut, gut with fire, incinerate, vaporize, ravage with fire and sword; dissolve, lyse.
  3. If a coach breaks down on a three lane highway in London at rush hour do you: (a) quickly tow it out of the way with your police Land Rover, (b) filter traffic past it whilst waiting for a tow truck, or (c) close the whole road down and divert all traffic. (TIP: If you are Kent Police making the choice last night, you go for (c).
  4. If you were a central banker, which one would you be? (or ARE you, if you are reading this).
  5. If you were a policy maker which one would you be? (and as per above).
  6. If you were given a small Caribbean island would you: (a) retire to it, (b) set up an offshore haven for Hedge funds, (c) establish a bank, or (d) try and recreate a Jurassic park (combination of (b) & (c)).
  7. If you had to chose between owning a kilo of the following which would you choose: (a) Yttrium, (b) Lithium, ( c) Germanium, or (d) an "A" Class.
  8. If you had to take one of the following jobs which one would you chose:(a) banker, (b) estate (realty) agent, (c) Fed Chairman, or (d) road sweeper for a London Local Council.
  9. If a face can launch a thousand ships, whose face would you then most like to park them on?
  10. If you were a placard waver outside the upcoming G20, what would your placard say?
  11. If you had to riot in protest over upcoming spending cuts, which country's riots would you choose?
  12. If you were are a South east Asian equities fund manager are you currently: (a) on the beach, (b) retired, (c) buying a new house with your wife, or (d) remembering the Asian crisis and absolutely terrified of what happened last time you felt like this.
  13. If you were an equity salesperson in Japan (paid in USDs) , once you're done with work you are:(a) living off Raman and cheese given how bonuses are looking for this year, (b) leaving the country, or (c) selling yourself at a gentleman's establishment in Ginza.
  14. If you could corner one market, what would it be: (a) silver, (b) rare earth metals, (c) cabbage patch dolls, or (d) cocoa
  15. If you were to stretch the surface area of your lungs over a tennis court: (a) they would only cover half of it, (b) they would easily exceed the area of the court, (c) you would die, (d) Health & Safety 13b has a clause forbidding it.
  16. If you have a roaring hangover you would: (a) call in sick, (b) come in on time, consume bacon butties and coffee, then do as little as possible telling folks you are working on a special project, (c) arrange a huge lunch with a broker or client and get long again, or (d) you don't get hangovers because you are a reformed alcoholic who is now a workaholic instead and has no tolerance for your staff EVER doing anything but work.
  17. If you ran fixed income trading at an investment bank and regulators and clients wanted to move derivatives trading on-exchange to reduce systemic risk and increase transparency, you would: (a) agree, and accept that your business will shrink due to increased competition and transparency, but hey, never mind it's all about having a free and transparent market, right? All in the greater good. (b) Try and confuse the politicians by coming up with some bullshit argument about how banks are in a unique position to provide liquidity, and that it is already a free market and that doing this would actually reduce transparency and competition. We need to keep all the spread business we can. (c) Wait, didn't you work with us before? This is NOT how this is meant to go down. You are screwing this up for everyone, Gary. Or (d) Fuck them, give me my bonus.
  18. If you traded OTC markets and a technology company tried to bring together you and others in your product area in order to create a new centralised electronic market for trading your product, would you: (a) say, "Wow, what a brilliant idea, this will improve transparency and liquidity and really improve the market", (b) note what happened to Spot FX traders when EBS came online and think "there's no way they're taking my broker lunches away and replacing them with a computer with no expense account" and utterly refuse to trade on the new system. Or (c) Fuck them, give me my bonus.
  19. If you were a hedge fund manager who has had a bad year, you see strikes in Europe are mounting, with the French firing tear gas at school children, the Portuguese can't get agreement to pass their budget and peripheral bonds still trade like Lehman stock. Do you: (a) Sell EURUSD because Europe's falling apart and Europe needs looser financial conditions, (b) To hell with macroeconomics, buy EURUSD because it's trending up and you need to make some cash before Dec 31, (c) shut up shop because you'll never make your high water mark back and start a new fund, or (d) QEQEQEQEQEQEQEQEQE I cant hear the question I've got my fingers in my ears QEQEQEQEQE.
  20. And of course.... If you think china will ever stop taking the piss with FX, when would that be ? a) never.


blackraven999 said...

17 is priceless.

Leftback said...

For once, LB has been rendered mute - I am speechless with mirth.

Nemo Incognito said...


Nic said...

"(d) QEQEQEQEQEQEQEQEQE I cant hear the question I've got my fingers in my ears QEQEQEQEQE."
Seems to be popular

Charles said...

Chinese are foolish enough to use the Fed as their custodian ; thus Placard idea for Geithner :

Skippy said...

A good friend described the weak growth = QE = strong asset prices as 'cognitive dissonance'

LB, not long until the Ashes

Skippy said...

China: "but I can't stop taking the piss, cause then all of my SOEs with ROEs of 3% (or less)will be bankrupt"

Mr. Capitalist: "yes, that's the point"

Leftback said...

One day very soon (e.g. Nov 2) we will have one of those "every asset falls" days... bonds, stocks, gold, molybdenum producers in Kazakhstan ... all except USD. The media will say: "markets fall on... THE ECONOMY", but most people will have their fingers in their ears, or elsewhere, as applicable.

Skippy, can't wait. Punter's Last Stand?

Kaius said...

Brilliant :)

Leftback said...

Obviously I didn't mean today... a taste of things to come, if we ever get a stronger dollar for real?

SPY, QQQQ, EEM, TLT, GLD all down. DXY up. Lots of dividend-paying stocks fairly strong here.

If I didn't know better I'd say there were two markets, one of which was entirely speculative and run by computers connected to Bernanke's sphincter....

akikana said...

For 10:

"Dokdo Is Ours" in nice big red chinese characters


"Ri Chun-hee is hotter than Erin"