Mythology

Another day, and here we are looking at the same old to-and-fro with Greece. Someone leaks a story that the EU is discussing aid, which the Germans angrily deny...after which the Greeks themselves lambaste speculators and claim that they don't really need any help, anyways. Yaaawwwwnnnnn. And here's the euro, caught in the same tepid range of the last 4-5 weeks. It's a pretty sad state of affairs when a Wham! song most aptly describes the state of the market.

How the Olympic gods must look down in despair. Zeus, Athena, Apollo....one can only imagine them shaking their heads in disbelief at this sordid and sorry display. Indeed, this whole saga leaves Macro Man wondering if the entire Greek pantheon needs a little modernization; religion, after all, has always moved with the times.

And so, dear readers, allow Macro Man to suggest a few updates for inclusion in the next edition of Edith Hamilton's classic Mythology:

ΠΙΓΣ: Descendents of Bacchus, these brothers defy the Olympian mandate of moderation, only to encounter difficulties once the party ends and the hangover kicks in.

Σιυιλ Σερυαντσ: Gods of laziness.

Μερκελ: The Goddess of hard work and rectitude, who is famously unwilling to help those who do not sacrifice to her.

Παπανδρέου: A hapless mortal who is caught in the midst of a deadly combat between Μερκελ and the Σιυιλ Σερυαντσ.

Τιτλοσ: Latter-day underworld where the turds and detritus of the latter-day Hellenes are deposited.

ΙΜΦ: Legendary givers of aid to the needy who demand frequent sacrifices in return for their help.

Γολδμαν: God of good works such as, for example, helping one move loads of dodgy debt off the national balance sheet for only a modest fee.

Τριςηετ: The God of strong vigilance.

Σαρκο: Comic dwarfish character who flits about Olympus, annoying all of the other gods. Also, the god of philandering.

Βέρνάνκε: The God of bailouts, who unfortunately really belongs to another pantheon...and thus does not answer Greeks’ prayers.