Goldiehawks and the Three Doves

When Macro Man first saw that the last four heads of the Federal Reserve were going to appear on the same panel, a thought popped into his head that he had seen such a summit before.   Although he couldn't place it, the idea danced on the edge of his thoughts, seemingly just on the cusp of remembrance but hanging tantalizingly out of reach.  This afternoon, however, he had an epiphany.   The presence of Yellen, Bernanke, Greenspan, and Volcker on the same panel was just like a fairy tale that his mother used to tell him when he was a small boy.  It went a little something like this....

Once upon a time there was a very large old man named Goldihawks.  He had had many adventures in his life, including slaying a mystical dragon called Inflation a long, long time ago.  More recently, armed only with a magic pen, he had fought against a big, bad group of monsters known as Prop Desks.  With his trusty pen, Goldihawks had managed to blame the financial crisis on these nasty Prop Desks and to banish them from the kingdom forever.   All except for the Treasury Prop Desk, whom he decided was actually quite nice and allowed to stay for as long as it liked.

After vanquishing the Prop Desks, Goldihawks decided to relax and took a long walk in the wilderness.   Strolling down a little-used and barely visible path, Goldihawks paused to smell the roses and to see the forest (and the trees.)  Eventually, however, he got quite lost, and soon found himself feeling quite tired and rather hungry.

Just as he started to worry about his predicament, Goldihawks found a small clearing the woods, and what do you suppose was nestled right in the middle of that clearing?   A small office building!  Because he was so tall, Goldihawks was able to peer through the window, but he couldn't see anyone inside the office.   He walked up to the front door and rang the bell, but no one answered.  He tried knocking as well, but there was still no response.   "Hallloooooooo!" he cried.   "Is anybody there?"  However, he heard only silence, save for birds calling in the trees above.

On a whim Goldihawks grabbed the knob on the front door and tried to turn it.  It worked!   Goldihawks turned the knob and pushed, and with the faintest of groans the door opened to admit him.  He stepped into a well-lit foyer that opened into a larger room on his left.  "Hello?" Goldilocks said, but again there was no answer.  Shrugging, he shut the front door and tiptoed into the room on the left.

In this room there were three desks:  one big, one medium sized, and one very tiny indeed.  Goldhawks tried to sit at the medium one, but it was too small.   He then tried to sit at the big one, but it was too small as well.   He didn't both trying to sit at the tiny one, because it only came up to his knees.

Standing over the big desk, Goldihawks flipped on the computer monitor and was surprised to see a financial market chart.    "Hmmmm," he thought to himself, "these Internet stocks are toooooo high."

He then walked over to the medium sized desk and turned that computer monitor on.  It, too, displayed a chart.  "Golly," said Goldihawks, "those house prices are tooooo high."

Goldihawks walked over to the tiny desk and got down on his knees.  By slouching he could just about get to eye level with the monitor.   "Whose desk is this?" he wondered, "a smurf's?"  When he turned that monitor on, he got a nasty shock and had to stifle a little cry of terror.  "Wow," he said out loud, "those bond prices are tooooo high."

As he put his hand on the tiny desk to lever himself up, Goldihawks noticed that a drawer opened slightly.   Reaching in, he pulled out a sheaf of papers entitled The Outlook, Uncertainty, and Monetary Policy.

Grunting slightly, he heaved himself up and walked stiffly to the medium sized desk.  Opening the drawer, he found a book within it called The Courage to Act.  Goldihawks took the book and put it on the sheaf of papers.

Walking to the largest desk, Goldilocks opened the drawer, fully expecting to find something within.   He wasn't disappointed, as he found another tome entitled The Age of Turbulence, which he extracted from the drawer.

Goldilocks took the two books and the sheaf of papers and walked over to a sofa at the end of the room.   Kicking off his shoes, he lay down on the couch and started to read.  First, he picked up the sheaf of papers.    "Hmmm," he said, "this policy prescription is toooo easy."

Yawning slightly, he then opened The Courage to Act and leafed through it.   "Gee," he mumbled, "this bit's OK, but this policy is toooooo easy."

Although his legs were draped over the edge of the couch, Goldihawks found himself struggling to keep his eyes open.  He picked up The Age of Turbulence in the hopes it would be a page-turning thriller.   It wasn't.   "Conundrum, my foot" he mumbled.   "That policy was toooooo eassssyyyyyy...."

Goldihawks had fallen asleep.

The next thing he knew, Goldihawks was awakened by the sound of a shutting door and voices.  Yawning, he stretched his arms and legs on the sofa  and blinked his eyes open.   Imagine his surprise to see three doves peering at him:  a bespectacled one, a bearded one, and a tiny one.

"Who sat at my desk?" asked the bespectacled one.

"Who turned on my computer?" asked the bearded one.

"Who took my speech?" asked the tiny one.

All three of the doves were chewing gum, and after asking their questions each of them began to blow an enormous bubble.   Goldihawks had always had an acute fear of anthropomorphic avian life, and the sight of three bubble-blowing doves was too much for him to take.  "Arghhhhh!" he shouted, scrambling to his feet, grabbing his shoes, and sprinting out the front door in his socks.

He disappeared into the woods and went back to hunting Prop Desks, living happily ever after.