Alternative Universe News Headlines

Macro Man was bemused (and slightly amused) to see a headline from the Fed's very own Comical Ali, Jon Hilsenrath, that "Fed Officials Growing Wary of Market Complacency."   His first thought was that this must be a byline from The Onion (or the Daily Mash for UK readers).   Upon finding that it did indeed purport to be a serious story from the WSJ, he was led to wonder if there are any mirrors installed in the Eccles Building washrooms, and if so do they ever get used.

Macro Man then considered what scoops Mr. Hilsenrath might care to share with us moving forwards, perhaps in an alternative universe.   Among the candidates for front-page "stop the presses!" headlines, he can imagine the following:

"Slaughterhouse Employees Angst on Gory Workplace Conditions"

"Trawlermen Complain That There Is 'Something Fishy' About Boat"

"Soldiers' Concern Over Violence in the Workplace"

"Heavy Metal Guitarist Worries Over Possible Hearing Loss"

"Weightlifter Suggests That Pressure to Win Is Heavy Burden"

"Playwright Dismisses Closure of Show as 'No Drama'"

"Architect Goes Back to Drawing Board as Building Plans Rejected"

"Everest Climber Admits He Likes to Get High"

"England Manager Calls Says Three Lions Have "No Chance" to Lift Cup"

and of course

"Blogger Has Nothing to Say, Mails in Gimmick Column"

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Anonymous
admin
June 4, 2014 at 9:03 AM ×

C Says
As I have remarked before , the more successful the Fed are with their so called transparency the greater the instability will be. What do they not understand about shaping behaviour via conditioning and how that relates to market positioning. If they truly are unable to understand this issue then frankly we might all be better off finding an alternate system.

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Anonymous
admin
June 4, 2014 at 9:41 AM ×

why does any whiff or market instability cause such angst in these central planners - i wasn't aware that one of the feds mandates was to quash all volatility

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Polemic
admin
June 4, 2014 at 9:57 AM ×

EU Parliament expresses concern over lack of democratic process.

Bristol Pound concerned over the efficacy of homeopathic money.

UK Political leaders confused between the meaning of the words 'lead' and 'follow'.

Greek cafe owners express concern over the price of coffee in a greek cafe.

UK Water company announces losses citing sky high prices of its water bill.

FX regulators concerned at the lack or regulation in an unregulated market.

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Anonymous
admin
June 4, 2014 at 12:31 PM ×

BREAKING: FOMC announces buyback program of all outstanding $VIX & $VXX related shares.

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Anonymous
admin
June 4, 2014 at 1:08 PM ×

US never implemented Basel 2:

http://www.whitecase.com/fsau_1207_2/#.U48InZRdWmB

Now the Fed may shun global risk rules ( Basel 3 ) that banks spent billions to meet:

http://tinyurl.com/k2aoba5

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Leftback
admin
June 4, 2014 at 2:47 PM ×

England practicing spot kicks - although Stevie G says "it isn't going to come to that this time".

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Leftback
admin
June 4, 2014 at 2:49 PM ×

Mark Zandi says: "ADP employment report weak, but fails to reflect the real strength of the US economy".

Oh wait, these are supposed to be in an alternate universe...

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abee crombie
admin
June 4, 2014 at 4:33 PM ×

Investment banker complains not working enough hours

Prop trader says job needs more stress

Sales manager has too many leads

CEO says his stock options are egregious

Internet company says valuations are too high.

MLP investor says tax stmts are too easy to file

Chinese leaders say need more fixed asset investment.

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Retail Chump
admin
June 4, 2014 at 9:28 PM ×

Retail Chump's retail broker raises concerns over "uneven playing field" - asks regulator to investigate

Comex finds more physical gold in warehouse than paper certificates to back it

Retail Chump's $3.99pcm subscription to fx signals service results in significant alpha

SP500 drops 1%

(Ok, that last one was silly, sorry...)

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