Gold, FX, Bonds, Metals, Equities, Cash, PIGS, Apples and the Illuminati.

In Markets land something is afoot. There be portents of change. Getting a bit school-Macbethy, there be rabbits laying their eggs in the trees. The mistletoe be a'flowerin' early, the cows be givin' birth to dead eels and even the wrong type of oil is found in the Gulf (not ours claim BP).

Now please don your tin helmets for a tour of the conspiracy theory

First off, the creeping BTP futures through yesterday. Italian bonds weren't meant to do that were they?

Perhaps we are seeing the start of the iPIGS+CBs= GSE function kicking in with a creep back in spreads. EURHUF is creeping its way back down to the starting line pre Friday's race upwards too.

Then there were the comments from the Japanese Finance Minister re: exchange rate stability. Taken to mean JPY but could it have been angled at support for coordinated global stability and, by inference, intervention?

Then there was the 1040 Plunge Protection Team in SPX. Ben was wheeled out two nights ago on the approach to these levels and we saw a miraculous bounce from there. The most interesting point here "Trading volume on U.S. exchanges totalled 11.5 billion shares, the most since May 26 and 20 percent higher than the 2010 average, according to data compiled by Bloomberg" - more than traded on the poor NFP dump last Friday.

Then there was the "rumoured" return of the SNB in EURCHF - guess that if you have 230bln of reserves now on the balance sheet what are another few billion between friends? But are we SURE these Euros aren't leaking back to their owners? Is it JUST a Swiss idea? Are the Cantons going to be happy with an investment performance that puts some recent Hedge Funds losses in the shade? Who are the secret investors in SNB LLC we want to know? Is it a coincidence that today's Portuguese bond auctions went well...?

*PORTUGAL EUR816 MLN 4.8% 2020 BONDS BID TO COVER 1.8
*PORTUGAL EUR701 MLN 5.45% 2013 BONDS BID TO COVER 2.4

Then there were the Metals. They all had a good turn too. Gold fell back sharply after new high above 1250 (taxi driver's cheering). Base metals were all up and it appeared to be to be pretty broad (Zinc up 6%).

Then there was the launch of Apple's new iPhone. This subject is too personal to cover here so please see the footnote below *.

And finally if ever there has to be a seed crystal to drop into the supersaturated solution of conspiracy theory then this has to be it - the Bilderberg group met last week. Have the Euro-Illuminati swung their devious and cunning plans to take over control of the last Euro into action? Or have Team Macro Man just been reading too much Dan Brown.

You can now remove your helmets.

Oh hang on, you might want to put them back on before you read these couple of tid bits as they are almost too good to believe:

• Spain saves Euro 340million per day if civil servants strike.
• The Japanese have turned to the oldest form of persuasion to get their JGB issues away.

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*Footnote:

Well thats the top for Apple. The week after I finally bow to peer pressure and trade in years and years of Windows and PC experience for my first iMac, Apple launch their keenly awaited iPhone4. Well its a cheap pun and I haven't seen it anywhere else yet... so here goes... "What's an iPhone for?"

Only just having crossed into the church of Apple and still sitting in pews at the back, I can't really fully immerse myself in the adulation and worship of this new totem by the high priests up at the front.

"Its got multi-tasking!!" - woop diddly doo... my first Windows Mobile 10 years ago had that.
"Its got an amazing screen" - well I prefer to watch films on a big screen so the definition on 3.5 inches is pretty immaterial unless I was to suddenly develop minus 15 diopter myopia and get 2 (one for each eye).
"Its got a gyroscope now with its accelerometer!!" - great, I'll call you when I take up gliding.
"Its got lovely looks, 2 hrs longer battery life, my god its an iPhone4 !!" - Yaaaawn...

Now if they had added an external memory card, an FM radio, the ability to withstand at least a light mist without invalidating the warranty and a sync system which bypassed i(own your soul)tunes and uses a mini-usb then I may have been willing to take the next step up the aisle of Mackiness. But as it is, it just makes me think that this is a turning point for the company. I have just handed over vast sums for a machine which though cringingly pretty and fast, is unable to play MY DAMN WMA MUSIC FILES!!!

Android me up Scotty!!!

(OK, braced for a cart load of abuse in the comments for that little tirade, but would really rather we didn't delve too deeply into Mac vs PC debates, even if I did start it!).