A Brexit glossary of terms

For those American readers who are so fixated on the domestic presidential election that they have not been able to follow the Brexit situation as closely as they would like, Macro Man is pleased to offer the following glossary of terms to ease your understanding. 

Advisory, adj.   

1. The legal status of the UK referendum to leave the European Union

2. Sufficiently binding that it does not require a vote in Parliament or review by the legal system

The referendum was advisory, so of course the Government shouldn't have to stoop to a Parliamentary vote to enforce the will of the people.

Brexit, n.

1.  Brexit

Brexit means Brexit.

British judges, n (plural).

1.  Legal scholars who should have jurisdiction to render decisions on the law in Britain, rather than the European Court of Justice

2. Damned scoundrels who have no business impeding the will of the people

These British judges are enemies of the people for upholding the constitution.

Electoral mandate, n.

1. Something that no one in Brussels has, other than the mayor, the lack of which is a major reason to leave the European Union

2.  A superfluous requirement for a PM trying to circumvent a Parliamentary vote on the most important issue facing the nation

Theresa May needs to invoke Article 50 today and stamp out all opposition because Brussels doesn't have an electoral mandate.

Enemy of the people, n.

1.  A term frequently used in the Soviet Union to describe those opposed to government tyranny

2.  British judges

Scrub the Kardashian front page; let's put these enemies of the people on instead.

Negotiation, n.

1.  Back-and-forth discussion with the aim of coming to an agreement; something that can be accomplished within two years between the EU and UK on a wide range of issues

2. Something that took seven years between the EU and Canada on a narrow range of issues, subject to vetoes from regional parliaments

Once Article 50 is invoked, we will swiftly conclude our trade negotiations with the EU.

Parliament, n.

1.  The only body competent to implement the will of the British people

2.  A body that has no business voting on the implementation of the will of the people.

Parliament should not vote on any aspect of Brexit other than the Repeal Bill.

Referendum, n.

1.  A plebiscite in which voters are invited to express their views on an important political topic; can be advisory or binding

2.  A law for submission of proposed legislation to a popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion.*

You Remoaners lost the referendum so your views are totally irrelevant.

Single market, n.

1.  A free trade area in Europe; what the UK hopes to maintain access to while avoiding most of the responsibilities of membership

2.  How many shops the average Briton can afford to shop at if sterling doesn't stop falling

The negotiations to retain UK access to the single market shouldn't take very long at all.

Sovereignty, n.

1.  What Brexit is meant to reclaim from Brussels

2.  Replacing their tyranny with our tyranny

I voted Leave to reclaim sovereignty, innit?

Titanic

n.   A large enclave of people surrounded by water who steered towards danger, thus ensuring their own demise

adj.  The kind of success Boris Johnson wants to make of Brexit 

Brexit will be a Titanic success, just yuuuge.

* Nicked from Bierce