Wandering into the Accident and Emergency department of Financial Hospital, Globesville, US data took a seat next to European Growth, who shuffled up closer to European Politics to make room. Australian mining looked on mournfully from the other side of the room nursing a broken bid. The room was full and the staff looked worried.
The US had been on QE antibiotics for years and the doctors were worried it might have caught a resistant strain of slowdown. It looked as though its Seasonal Affected Disorder was coming back too.
European Growth had looked like it was recovering from its savage mugging but, despite the countless sticking plasters its brother Politics had applied, it was bleeding again.
European Politics had been in counselling for 3 years for its multi-personality disorder, yet was still trying to kill itself at every opportunity. Its job as a party balloon twister (take a straight Maastricht treaty and with a few twists .. like this and...Voila!! It's a pig's ear!) had also left it with chronic arthritic joints.
Australia had been at its own party and was intoxicated when it slipped on its own hubris and broke its main export market.
UK, having blown its inheritance on an addiction to foreign imports and lavish spending, sat shivering in the corner. The methadone of low rates and QE was doing little to return it to health.
Germany was suffering from "Munchausen by Proxy", convinced that everyone else was ill and in need of a dose of their German cure. It was having to be restrained by the guards, but its protests were upsetting the Peripheral family huddled in the corner waiting for their repeat prescriptions.
The relatives did their best to soothe the patients but there was only so much the Far East could do.
Dr Ben was exhausted after a full night on call and his drug cabinet was seriously depleted. Dr Aghi had taken over and tried to order more pharmaceuticals but had been blocked as they weren't yet approved for European use. Things were looking dire and the markets were fearing the worst.
But then the doors burst open and in flew Dr Abe, dressed in a magnificent golden coat! "I have a plan!" he screamed maniacally. "What's your plan doc?" cried the others. "THIS .." and with that he opened all the taps to all the Nitrous Oxide cylinders in the department. The intoxicating vapours of the laughing gas swiftly filled the whole building and were soon working a wonderful magic. The Peripheral family were the first to giggle and were back on their feet. Seeing this and realising what was happing, European Politics started to relax and burst into laughter and even made friends with its alter egos. European growth was soon to follow and was on its feet cranking up the volume of "Remember Me" on the Tannoy.
Abe's laughing gas and the beat soon had everyone up and partying. The US had a big smile on its face and was dancing with the Far East relatives who themselves were so happy they were opening their wallets and throwing money around instead of saving. Australia had found the surgical spirit in the cupboard and was glugging it down telling everyone who would listen how great it was and even the UK had a grin on its face as it swigged on a bottle of secondary effects.
Only Germany sat miserably in the corner behind the gas mask it had swiftly donned to prevent it from inhaling the narcotics it so abhorred.
The staff watched in awe as Dr Abe led the party like the Pied Piper out of the hospital and into the night. But as the doors swung closed and the sound of revelry diminished into the distance, Dr Aghi shook his head and let out a resigned sigh to Dr Ben...
"They'll be back"