Friday, December 17, 2010

Order of Service

Welcoming Address

We would like to welcome you all here today to celebrate a very special year in the world of finance.

Reading from the Gospel According to Mangler Merkel

Trichet sent an angel to a girl named Merkel. "Mangler, you have nothing to fear.", the Angel told her, "Trichet has a surprise for you: you will give birth to a son and call him Eurobond, and he will save the Euro from all its sins". Merkel asked how this could happen, and the Angel explained that the Berletchsconi would come upon her, by Trichet's power, and that the baby would be called Eurobond, Son of Delors. Merkel was ready to obey. Then the angel left her.

Hark The FX angels sing,
"Glory to devaluing!"
What on earth? These movements wild,
Get those trades all reconciled.

Vengeful, all the nations rise,
Join to sell down from the highs,
With the CB host proclaim:
"Devaluation is our aim".
Hark! The FX angels sing,
"Glory to devaluing!"

Reading from the Gospel According to Darth Weber

And so it came to pass in those days Europe issued a decree that a census should be taken of the all the banks. And everyone went to their own regulator to register. So five Spanish banks and two Germans also went up to the town of Frankfurt in Germany, the town of Weber, because he belonged to the house and line of the Buba . They went to register with CEBS who also, was a descendent of the ECB and of the tribe of Hawks. At that time Greece was expecting a bailout. While there, the time came for the Crisis to be Born.


We Mervyn Kings of BoE are,
Printing money, so you can buy cars,
Gilts and Sterling, both are curling,
Inflating our debt away.

Ooohh... STIR of wonder, STIR of might,
STIR when money is not tight,
Inflation leading, not proceeding,
Guide us to the perfect Rate.

Reading from the Gospel According to Jim Rogers

There were miners camping in the outback. Suddenly, an Angel stood among them and Gold's glory blazed around them. They were very scared. The Angel told them, "Don't be afraid. I bring you good news". Today a saviour has been born for you. You are to look for a bid wrapped in rhetoric and lying through its teeth.". The Angel was joined by a huge host singing "Glory to Gold in the Heavenly Heights, Pieces for everyone on Earth". The miners ran to Asia and found China and Korea, and the bid lying with the reserve managers.

The Lord's Prayer

Our Ben,
Who art in heaven,
Hallowed Be-nanke,
Thy auctions come,
Thy Bill's be done,
In Twos as they are in Sevens,
Give us this day our daily FED,
And forgive us our Treasuries,
As we forgive those that default against us,
And lead us not into recession,
And deliver us from deflation,
For thine is the borrowing, the easing, and the printing,
For ever and ever.

Closing Address

This Christmas may we have the joy of the FX Angels, the wonder of commodities and the giving hearts of the central bankers; and may the Blessing of Gold, Equities, Fixed Income and FX rest on each one of us. Amen.


Oliver said...

Have a good one guys. See you in all next year.

Anonymous said...

very poetic

Anonymous said...


Leftback said...

Tears rolling down my cheeks as I read from the Macro version of the synoptic Gospels, and recall playing the back end of the donkey in our primary school's Nativity play.

Clearly cpmppi's evangelical style reveals attendance at a C of E educational establishment during the formative years between 5 and 11.

Steve said...

Well played....I can actually hear it. We need to get Josh Grobin on these ASAP.

Anonymous said...

Wow! quite well done, Happy Holidays to all.

Anonymous said...

One of the best TMM! Best wishes over the holiday season.

Anonymous said...


Marshall said...

Instant classic!

Suzan said...

Absolute brilliance reigns here.

Holy night!

I'm thinking of reading this at my family gathering.

Hope it's fair use.

Love ya,