A Christmas Shopping List

Thursday, December 11, 2008

There's just two weeks until Christmas, and Macro Man has yet to purchase a single present. While he knows what Mrs. Macro's "big ticket" present is going to be, he has yet to come up with a gameplan for the ancillaries. (Mrs. M. is largely taking care of the Macro Boys.) It behooves him, therefore, to put his thinking cap on and draw up a list of things that he thinks the missus might like. Being a generous chap, he's also drawing up a Christmas shopping list for certain people that he encounters in his professional life:


Train drivers on the Brighton main line: Fisher-Price Fun-2-learn teaching clock. The operators of Macro Man's morning train services have displayed such a singular inability to stick to the timetable that the only logical conclusion is that they can't actually tell the time. According to the product blurb, "these two very timely interactive friends help [users] understand both digital and analog time while relating to everyday experiences like lunchtime or bedtime." Hopefully they help with train tmes as well...



Sell-side equity analysts: A chart of the Dow Jones Industrial Average. Hard as it is to believe, most of the sell-side guys out there remain overoptimistic- in some cases farcically so (Macro Man has seen one end-2009 forecast of 1300 for the SPX, for example.) It seems as if these guys are still using old Christmas gifts like Dow 30,000 by 2008, Dow 36,000, and Dow 40,000. Perhaps s simple graphic representation of what is actually going on could bring them to their senses.



Ben Bernanke: A new monetary policy model. Ben has evidently run out of conventional options in the Fed policy game, so he needs another model with which to practice unconventional policy options. Te model to the left offers an inexpensive and attractive way to simulate quantitative easing in the comfort of his front yard.




Jean-Claude Trichet: An orienteering compass. Monsieur famously told us over the summer that he has but one needle on his compass; unfortunately, his seems to be permanently etched on his rearview mirror. It therefore seems appropriate to give M. Trichet another compass that might prove useful in charting a future course, rather than one that merely tells him wherre he has been already.






Hank Paulson: A Dr. Evil dress-up costume. Come January 20, Hank will be out of a job. Based on his handling of the financial crisis (as well as the piss-poor performance of a previous Treasury secretary in his role at Citi), he should struggle to get another job in banking or finance. Fortunately, he has an alternative career in the Austin Powers character lookalike industry, which this gift should help to kick-start. Hank will have to pony up some of his own dough to get the Mini-Me suit for Neel Kashkari, however.





Gordon Brown: 1984. As discussed earlier this week, Brown's Britain has turned into some dystopian hell. Little did we know, however, that the Ministry of Truth is already in operation; how else to interpret Brown's recent Parliamentary claim that he has "saved the world"?

Macro Man is a big believer that if you're going to do something, you should do it properly. So if Gordo is really and truly intent on destroying the fabric of Britain and ensuring that the state runs every aspect of life....well, he might as well learn from the best.


Hopefully the recipients enjoy their gifts. And if any readers have any suggestions (for either public figures or, hint hint, a certain lucky lady)...by all means pass them along!

Posted by Macro Man at 9:16 AM  

15 comments:

Poor Jean-Claude Trichet. I think he needs a suit of armour to protect him from the Jovian barbs flung at him by MM - almost daily.

Adrem said...
10:37 AM  

A clown outfit for Mervyn King?

Anonymous said...
11:16 AM  

Hilarious headline on bloomie:
"ECB Sees Rebound in 2009; Stark Says Room to Cut Interest Rates `Limited'"

LFY

Anonymous said...
12:06 PM  

Can I suggest MM buys Mrs MM the following: Historical/cheap/and useful for the future market moves.... http://www.specialistauctions.com/auctiondetails.php?id=1085103

Anonymous said...
12:37 PM  

Hilarious. Well done! Esp the clock, and of course trichet's compasss, though perhaps thath should he a broken compass, lol that always points in the same direction! The ECB should resign in shame...

Anonymous said...
2:34 PM  

totally seperate question--how do you track hits on ur blog? thanks

Anonymous said...
2:59 PM  

Anon, Sitemeter and Google Analytics both offer free services that do a reasonable job.

Macro Man said...
3:01 PM  

LOL! Great blog today. I used to commute from Herts. to the City and the service was dire. On more than one occassion, the first train (520am) didn't show up. Why? Because the driver didn't show up. "Great" Britain, indeed.

Anonymous said...
4:29 PM  

Yes in the direction this once fine country is heading, we will soon be dropping the Great off Great Britain.

Also, if the Scot's get their way, we'll be dropping the United off the United Kingdom.

I bet future badges for our cars will just display B (for Britain) or PUK (partly United Kingdom).

Damcanu said...
4:51 PM  

What happened to the eastern EU front, MM? I amnot an expert, but things seemed to turn quiet recently.

Anonymous said...
5:02 PM  

Excellent blog! Can I suggest www.cloneawilly.com for the Mrs Macro?

Anonymous said...
9:27 PM  

Some more festive market humor for everyone:

http://clusterstock.alleyinsider.com/2008/12/twas-the-night-before-christmas-on-the-trading-floor

Brian said...
5:38 AM  

You forgot a year's supply of Depends for that investor on your shopping list. After watching the Hang Seng and US futures tank on the news of Madoff and Mad Republicans, I could use a mop up.

--Charles of MercuryRising
www.phoenixwoman.wordpress.com

Anonymous said...
5:40 AM  

The ideal future badge for your cars is BK (British Kingdom).

Anonymous said...
9:47 AM  

Perhaps Formerly United Kingdom?

Macro Man said...
9:50 AM  

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