TO: Goldman Sachs, Bill Gross, Warren Buffett, et al.
FROM: The Order of Rosicrucians, Pentavirate, and Illuminati
RE: Correlation Breakdown
This memo is to notify you with immediate effect that the 100% correlation across asset markets is now over. We have decided that despite the improvement in funding markets, the recovery in equities, and the decline in implied volatility that pro-risk market prices such as yen crosses should continue to be sold aggressively today. Moreover, we have decided that emerging markets will remain under sever pressure. We have therefore directed agents to weaken emerging currencies across the board, a policy which we will continue until further notice.
Finally, we have also determined with immediate effect that daily shifts at various points of the US yield curve will be determined by a random number generator. Every morning you will now receive a communication disclosing the output of the random generator.
We trust you are all keeping well and looking forward to seeing you at the annual end-of-year conference, which this year will be held at the headquarters of the Globex Corporation. This year's agenda is particularly important, as we will map out our plans for the new US Administration.
The Order of the Rosicrucians, Pentavirate, and Illuminati
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